Scorched Planet School of the Arts
Course Catalog Fall Semester 2120

~ Lorraine Schein

Degree Offered: B.A. (Bachelor of Apocalypse—Terminal Degree)

The goal of our school is to prepare students to be able to exchange their artwork for food or shelter in a dying ecosystem. Upon graduation our students have found freelance work for private clients or jobs in the corporate death field.

All students must choose one required major concentration and two minor electives from the following:


Portfolio required and a score of 850 or above on the SAAAT (Scholastic Apocalyptic Arts Aptitude Test).


Prereq: Design 1, Sewing Techniques, Microbiology

Students will design full hazmat suits that are flame-proof, virus-proof and have attached gas masks. Workshops cover creation of clothing that converts to a house, submersible boat or teepee.

Successful fashion major graduates have been commissioned to design face and body masks for private and corporate clients.


Prereq: Needle Techniques 1 & 2, Art History

Students will learn how to create and apply original designs using ink and laser techniques for applying tattoos on irises and construct migrating nanotattoos on a variety of bodies.


Prereq: Oceanography 1, Physics, Architecture 1, Materials 1, Shop Class

Prospective architects will design house pods with legs or flying houses that will avoid floods, expandable houses, and immersible submarine dwellings.


Prereq: Astronomy, Anemology, Chemistry, Meteorology, Flight School 1

NOTE: Students with a current pilot license are exempt from the Flight School requirement.


Prereq: Heliology, Color Theory 1

Students majoring in Sky Art will manipulate sunlight to create unique sunsets and sunrises that stay up all day or night and are moveable to any location. Graduates have found freelance work in both the private and corporate sectors.


Open to Weather majors only by permission of Professor Roy G. Biv.

Prereq.: Color Theory 1, Meteorology, Psychology 1, Pluviology

This course will teach seeding of clouds with color-infused droplets to create varied shades such as iridescent and rainbow spectrum rainfall. Graduates have found employment in both the private and corporate sectors.


Prereq.: Harmony 1, Meteorology, Audiology, Pluviology, Roofology

Students will create original musical compositions using directed rainfall, orchestrating rainstorms and rainfall into musical compositions. Graduates have been commissioned to compose orchestral pieces for private and international clients.


Special Topic. Open only to students who have completed Rain Music and Rain Art and permission of advisor.

Prereq: Aromachology, Osmology, Neuroscience.

Students will learn to create scented rainfall.


Advanced Seminar Prereq.: Art History 1, Nephology, Portfolio Review

Learn techniques for carving cirrus and cumulus into portraits and landscapes.


Our graduate Disaster Artists have found employment with regional warlords, career military, and major corporations. Eligibility Requirements: Open to students with a criminal record and/or a portfolio evidencing psychopathology and interview by a former advisor on probation from Arkham Asylum.


Prereq.: Pyrology 1, Printmaking, Explosives 1, Flight School 1, Pyrotechnics 1 and 2 (Preference given to students with high SAAAT scores on pyromania.)

Wildfire students will design and selectively burn areas of forests to create aesthetically pleasing patterns using foam retardant and explosives dropped from a plane to form control lines.


Students must have an interview with department head Professor Marvel and obtain permission of instructor, staff psychiatrist, and next of kin.

Prereq: Photography, Videography, Sky Diving, Aerial Stunts and minimum 4.3 grade-point average in prior Weather courses.

Under faculty supervision, students will design, choreograph and write the script for a special interactive performance to be performed within a hurricane of their own creation. They will then photograph themselves inside it as well as document the wreckage below.


This advanced course is only open to surviving Hurricane students with a grade-point of average of 3.5 or above and permission of advisor.

Prereq.: Cross-Country Skiing, Snowboarding, History of Antarctica

See Hurricane Performance Art above for course description, but colder and snowy.


Prereq.: Oceanography, Intro to Questionable Business Practices, Urban Nonplanning

Students will learn to create a variety of artistic pollution such as smog, particulate matter, and nonrecyclable plastics. They will measure and document the effects of environmental degradation on animal and human health in their chosen environments using such indicators as exceeding the Air Quality Index standards, the creation of plastic islands in the sea and rates of coral death.


Prereq.: Biology, Abnormal Psychology, Morbidity 2, and permission of Professor H. Lecter.


Prereq.: Art History, Anatomy 2, Taxidermy 1, Decomposition 1 & 2, Forensics Pathology

Students will draw portraits from expiring models and photographs of extinct and endangered species.

Formaldehyde tolerance test required.


Prereq: English 2.6 (Shakespeare’s Tragedies), Japanese Literature, Gravestones 1, Journalism, Videography, Snuff Cinematology 1

Students will learn to create and write deathbed poems and narratives for dying and suicidal people and document their deaths by posting on the web, Facebook, and TikTok. Graduates have been hired by gang lords and employed by major political parties.


Prereq: Virology, Biology, Genetics 1 & 2, Pathology, History of Germ Warfare, Culinary Contamination Skills

Students will learn to design and infect populations with new viruses using recombinant DNA and devise their possible cures. Fall Semester: Designing Viruses. Spring Semester: Reverse Engineering for Antidote Vaccines


Prereq.: Virus Arts, Information Technology, Network Administration, Sexology

Students will explore advanced 5 Senses Zoom techniques such as Lurid Imaging with Realtouch™ peripherals that allow online self-pleasuring or group orgasms. Topics covered include the synchronization of lucid dreams to simulate the experience of pre-pandemic socializing.


Prereq.: Genetics 1 & 2, Anatomy, Biology, Mutation Surgery, Abnormal Psychiatry, German History 2

Using directed mutilation techniques and plastic surgery, students self-sculpt and sculpt others to create malformed designer bodies. Techniques studied may include cloning, Botox augmentation, abdominal fat redirection, feather transplants. Includes off-campus field trips to mental hospitals and prisons to select subjects for operations and visiting guest lecturers from the Moreau Institute of Body Hybridity. Successful graduates have found work in the entertainment industry and for international clients.

Seven of Wands


Lorraine Schein is a New York writer. Her work has appeared in VICE Terraform, Strange Horizons, NewMyths, and Mermaids Monthly, and in the anthology Tragedy Queens: Stories Inspired by Lana del Rey & Sylvia Plath.

The Futurist’s Mistress, her poetry book, is available from Mayapple Press (

 [ issue 4 :  fall 2021 ]